Archive for February 8th, 2009

Glimmer Glitter – Food Masquerades


It’s happened more than once to me, you know.

Food, pretending to be something else.

Trying to escape my clutches.

Masquerading as whatever it can think of nearby.

It’s like alchemy. Except that it is done by mental waves sent through the air to confuse those who would eat it. Sometimes it is even done by mistake, by the food . . . thinking that it is going to be eaten, it bends reality to suit it.

The first time it happened to me was when I was seven years old. I was in the garage, playing. Why was I in the garage? Who knows. In one hand I held a big black wax crayon, a huge one. In the other hand was my banana.

You know what happened. I took a big bite of the crayon.

At the time, I thought it was my mistake. A pretty funny one, too – even though the crayon tasted disgusting and I had to spit it out all over the garage floor.

But it has happened since then at other times. Today, in particular.

This ketchup bottle thought I was going to eat some ketchup, I guess – though I wasn’t. So when I picked it up it glittered and glimmered the air around me so that I thought it was the liquid dishwashing soap. I squirted it all over the sponge and almost scrubbed the saute pan with it.

Beware of food masquerades. They can appear when you least expect it.

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